Zygmunt Bauman's "Liquid Love"

Zygmunt Bauman, author of “Liquid Love,” explains this concept in the foreword of the book: “[Ulrich’s] successors today must tie together whatever bonds they want to use as a link to engage with the rest of the human world by their own efforts…None of the connections that come to fill the gap…are, however, guaranteed to last. Anyway, the need to be only loosely tied, so that they can be untied again, with little delay, when the settings change- as in liquid modernity they surely will, over and over again” (Foreword, vii). It is Bauman’s intention “to explore the frailty of human bonds, the feeling of insecurity that frailty inspires, and the conflicting desires that feeling prompts to tighten the bonds yet keep them loose” throughout the book (viii).

In chapter 1, “Falling In and Out of Love,” Bauman begins by examining the relationship between love and death. Just as one cannot learn to die, the author writes, one cannot learn to love. He argues that instead of people rising to the occasion of loving greatly more often, people instead choose to create lower standards. The author contends that love is not a skill to be learned, nor are ones’ skills to be furthered with each passing experience (5). Bauman contends that for some, love is akin to fate. He writes, “To love means opening up to that fate, that most sublime of all human conditions, one in which fear blends with joy into an alloy that no longer allows its ingredients to separate” (7).

After a section on Eros, Bauman writes of the connection between desire and love. He makes a distinction between two by describing desire as the “wish to consume” and love as the “wish to care, and to preserve the object of the care” (9). Bauman believes, however, we should rethink what we mean by desire. He describes desire as a long term situation or experience, and the time it takes to enjoy the investment of desire is “irritatingly and unaffordably long” (11).

Bauman continues on with an investment theme, describing relationships in terms of investments, stocks, and profits. Similar to investments, Bauman writes, is the effort it takes to create and maintain successful relationships, especially when considering the overwhelming doubts and securities both partners feel. However, the success of relationships is that neither person suffers from loneliness anymore.

The author explains “top-pocket relationships” next, named for how one can “keep it in your pocket so that you can bring it out when you need it” (21). The best qualities of such a relationship are that they are short and sweet. To be effective, Bauman writes, both partners must “enter in full awareness and soberly…and keep it this way” (21).

After a digression on a soap show called EastEnders, Bauman describes how affinity can be both positive and negative for one’s relationships. He states, “living together acquires the attraction which the bonds of affinity lack…over ‘living together,’ future kinship, whether desired or feared, does not cast its dark shadow” (29). The author then explains new popular ideologies, such as a substitution of ‘shared identity’ for ‘shared interests,’ ‘imagined communities,’ and technological communications (31-35).

In chapter 2, “In and Out of the Toolbox of Sociality,” the author contends that “homo sexualis” is both “orphaned by Eros” and “bereaved by the future” (40). He illustrates the issue of the modernity of medicine by describing the increasing importance of medicine rather than sex for reproduction. In the beginning over the chapter, Bauman examines how children change the lives of their parents, both positively and negatively. He notes that children, “first and foremost, [are] an object of emotional consumption” and warns “when it comes to objects of consumption, one looks for ‘value for money” (42).

The author also makes not of the increasing impact of medicine on sex by describing the potentially long-lasting consequences from having multiple sexual partners. Alongside issues of HIV or AIDS, Bauman notes that sexual intercourse or “episodes” also may produce increased levels of anxiety. He writes, “What sort of commitment, if any, does the union of bodies entail? Can the sexual encounter be kept in isolation from the rest of life’s pursuits, or will it spill over across that rest of life, saturate it and transform it?” (51).

It is these last questions that I think will be most interesting to discuss for tomorrow’s class. Many college students attempt to keep relationships or “sexual episodes” as informal and frequent as possible. Others seek out a partner they can see themselves marrying in the near future. I would like to discuss this issue in light of Bauman’s earlier discussions on the frailty of human bonds and the connection between love and desire. To what extent do you agree with his assessment of modern relationships? Disagree? In family/frienships/partner relationships?