The CAKE Guide, Part 2

Part 2 of Cake’s Guide to Female Sexual Pleasure is called “Let’s Get It On” and true to its title, contains chapters on sexual positions, vibrators, dirty talk, exhibitionism, and causal sex. However, the authors continue a linear vision of sexual practices we discussed in class on Wednesday. Gallagher and Kramer write, “All right, girls, now that you have the ABCs of self-lovin’ down, it’s time to share all that good stuff with some lucky, lucky boys” (91). Although one of the book’s overall messages aims to empower women’s sexual experiences by increasing their confidence in the plurality of such experiences, I felt that to be one of their women, you must fit their narrow definition of what they consider a wild, sexy woman to be, and further, act this way in a heterosexual manner.

In chapter 6, “Beyond the Missionary,” the authors discuss oral and anal sexual practices. Gallagher and Kramer argue for women to demand sexual pleasure for themselves as well as their partners, noting, “Real sexual satisfaction includes both giving pleasure and receiving it” (91). Mixed in between personal testimonials, the authors include a small passage on STDs and the Pill. Unlike “Our Bodies, Our Selves,” The “Hot Woman’s Handbook” does not go into great detail about either of these parts of sexual practices, focusing instead on Plan B, or Emergency Contraception. I was surprised to read that “There are 60 million U.S. women of reproductive age, and 7 in 10 (42 million) are currently sexually active and do not want to become pregnant” (113). It made me realize how critical the Plan B issue is in current national policy debates.

Throughout chapter 7 “A Little Help from Our Friends” and chapter 8 “Dirty Talkin,’” Gallagher and Kramer continue discuss sexual matters without flowery illustrations. Although they present multiple scenarios in which women may find sexual pleasure, the authors further their narrow definition of what women should find “sexy.” When describing the possibility of bringing vibrators into one’s sexual practices, they state, “the trick in introducing the vibe with your partner is to make it sexy” (125). While various ways to do this are given, the authors maintain that it is absolutely necessary for a sexy woman to use a vibrator, not only for personal satisfaction, but in conjunction with a partner. Instead of pointing to vibrators as one option for satisfying pleasure, I feel that the authors practically demand its use. In the chapter on dirty talk, the authors write from a more pluralistic vision writing, “Dirty talk can be a touchy topic. “Certain words, like ‘cunt,’ ‘dick,’ ‘pussy,’ ‘fuck,’ ‘daddy,’ slut,’ ‘whore,’ can be one person’s On button and another’s Abort All Activity switch.” (135).

Chapter 9, “Express Yourself,” describes how some women find satisfying sexual pleasure from varying forms of exhibitionism. Although I found their descriptions of the “male gaze” and their own “CAKE gaze” very interesting, I couldn’t help but be put off by some of the personal testimonials. One woman claimed, “Our ability to feel sexy in many ways is rooted in our ability to be desirable, i.e. to play the object role. It is important for us feminists not to condemn women for enjoying this role, because doing so stands in the way of women’s sexual fulfillment.” (144).

Finally, chapter 10 is titled “Causal Encounters” and describes the now prominent practice of causal sex in today’s culture. While the authors note, “sexual pleasure is not limited to monogamous relationships” they also write, “interest in sex for sex’s sake does not prohibit us from enjoying sex for love’s sex” (155, 158). I was bothered by their section on the “boundaries” of this sexual practice, as they argue for setting both emotional and physical boundaries. However, as the practice of “friends-with-benefits” has become more prominent among young adults, especially college students, I would argue that such boundaries are easier created than maintained.

Questions for discussion:

Throughout part 2, it may be argued that the authors use illustrations without thinking of possible patriarchal language implications. When describing blow jobs/hand jobs in chapter 6, the authors argue, “…giving head is pure power exchange. It’s the giver who holds all the power” (98). Also, in another chapter, the authors contend, “role-playing is the power dynamics of domination and submission, and exhibitionism and voyeurism, all rolled up in one game” (138). To what extent do you think such language promotes their narrow view of female sexuality?

In chapter 9, Gallagher and Kramer further the traditional theory of the “male gaze” (females are objects of a male, predatory perspective) by constructing their own “CAKE gaze” (women choosing to be subjects, objects, or both at the same time). I am not convinced that this is the feminist, 21st century woman answer. The authors contend, “We get to be watched, adored, ogled, and above all in control” (144). Is this really different than the original patriarchal implications of the “male gaze”?